Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
