Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
