Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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