but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
