....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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