I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
