he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
