I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
