Non-Jews are for practice
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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