I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
