But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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