Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
