the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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