awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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