I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
