So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
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