do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
