If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
