The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
