Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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