This girl is more easily done than said...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
