i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
