The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
there's paper in my vomit.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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