oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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