accomplished twins. life is a go
It's just like the Real World with babies
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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