I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
40s are totally the cure
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
