Kiss
Puke
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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