I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
