Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
