8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
