I faked an abortion last night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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