This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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