You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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