me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
