i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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