mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
