At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
