Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
is wine microwaveable?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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