I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
