I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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