doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This is my gift to your gina
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
