I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm too high and old for this...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
