I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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