There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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