i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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