if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
