The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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