its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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