Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
