I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I intend to get homeless drunk
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
