it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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