whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
