Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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