Who did Billy Mays play for?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
