All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
