Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
