I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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