I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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