I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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