Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
