fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
