She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
