Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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