i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
