So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize