You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
