census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize