Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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