Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
