First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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