remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
