Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
