its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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