If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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